Content from “Can You Be A Hypnotist?” by Erika Flint
Our conscious mind does not like uncomfortable pauses or silence. It wants certainty. Be patient with clients, allow the pause to reveal the issue. The response will likely be a true gem from the subconscious mind.
Our conscious mind is so good at pattern matching, and it loves to categorize, generalize, and label things. Experiences and situations are “good” or “bad” in general.
And for many people, that’s the extent of their emotional labeling.
Fear is different than anger. And sadness is different than fear.
However, for many people, those feelings are simply “bad.”
It is critical that clients become aware of their actual feelings and use more descriptive terms other than just “good” or “bad,” otherwise they feel stuck.
Jason came to see me to stop drinking. He walked off the job days prior for being upset at his new boss - someone with no experience in his field at all.
He walked out, drove to the liquor store, and bought a pint of whiskey and a six pack of beer.
He knew he was in trouble and was worried he would get fired or get into more serious trouble if he didn’t control his anger.
And he was angry. That’s what he was aware of. And yet throughout our sessions together, something else became apparent.
He wasn’t just angry. He was sad. He was grieving the loss of his wife and his brother.
Yet the only feeling he was aware of or would talk about was the anger. And felt like he was “stuck” in that feeling.
I asked, “How are you feeling?”
“Bad,” was always his answer. And if I let him off with that limited response, we may not have found out what was really happening.
“Use a more descriptive term,” I pressed.
He paused… I waited.
Tears started pouring, slowly from the corners of his eyes.
“I miss John so much. I miss Emily.” He was talking about his brother and wife.
I didn’t let Jason get away with a response from the conscious mind that was not true. Maybe feeling “bad” about his new boss was easier for his heart to handle, but under the surface, he was still grieving the loss of his brother and wife. Once we addressed those issues, he didn’t feel stuck anymore, and he also wasn’t angry at his new boss. That was irrelevant to him now.
Jason went back to work later that week and talked with his boss, and they worked things out. His boss admitted he didn’t know what he was doing. This was a new role for him, and he appreciated Jason’s support and insight. Jason realized he didn’t want to be the boss either!